Team Fortress 2 is like alcohol

Team Fortress 2 (TF2) is a dangerous game. It may not be directly dangerous to your health, like alcohol, but in the long run, I can see myself getting more and more unhealthy the more and more I play this game, or the more and more alcohol I drink. What the hell am I talking about? TF2 is also like alcohol in terms of time shifting. There, that should clear things up.

OK. So you’re still reading. I guess this indicates that you still have no idea what I’m talking about. Or maybe you just have a faint idea of what I’m talking about, but are still unsure. Or you are just bored and looking for things to nitpick and bitch about in the comments. Whatever. Luckily for you I have time to explain myself better. Though, my lack of writing ability may still confuse some most.

Let’s start by saying, there are NO quick TF2 games. Never have I been able to briefly play TF2 for say, 30 minutes or so. Hell, I’d be happy to get away with an hour of game play, but again, that never happens. The same happens when I go to a bar or party. “I’ll have one beer”, I say. Hell, I’d be happy to get away with one pitcher of beer as well. Again, that never happens.

Once I start playing/drinking TF2/alcohol I suddenly go through this time warp that leads me approximately 4-5 hours into the future. What the hell happened during those 4-5 hours? Hell if I know, I time warped remember. The only thing I know is that my head hurts, my eyes are bloodshot, and the urgency to pee is at a critical high. I’ve also experienced pissed-off loved ones at the end of these time shifts.

Now, with alcohol we all know the long term effects of drinking, but with TF2 the effects are more unknown. Since playing TF2 I’ve noticed some changes in my life including: mentioned time shifts, pasty skin, pain in lower back and wrists, the need to continually check my six for people awkwardly following me, night terrors, less than functioning “W” key, and of course swamp ass.

It’s with these side effects that a smart person would stop playing/drinking. But I believe this subject requires more research, and I’ve graciously volunteered myself to continue studying the common links between alcohol and Team Fortress 2.

Also, exposing your friends or family members (see wife) to said addictions may cause them to become addicted, thus causing you to go through withdrawals, and possibly ruining another life in the process.